She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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