I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
