Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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