I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
