I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
