Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
