that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
