What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
