I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
