shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
