take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
