I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
