god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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