Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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