sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
