Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
