I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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