I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
