is your mom at the bar?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
