shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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