Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
