Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
