Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
