Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
