If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
