Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize