Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
