LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
