"it" just moved
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
