Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
