we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
