omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
