Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
