just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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