But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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