Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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