every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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