so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You don't make any sense
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