Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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