im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
