im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize