I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
