I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
