In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
