I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
