i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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