6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
