Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
