I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
