I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
