I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
