The maid of honor just puked.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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