dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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