Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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