dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
