Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
