she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
