You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize