Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So much rum. So many feels.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
