Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
