then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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