You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize