So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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