I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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