I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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