Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
