it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
