Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
