PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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