the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
