they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
