her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
