how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
