I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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