Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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