So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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