pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
