But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
