Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
