I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
