She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
