I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
