I wish my penis had an off switch
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
