Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize