Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
