there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
