The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
