thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
