i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
