She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
