i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
