sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
