Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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