My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
