what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
