I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
