Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
