Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
