We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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