I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
