He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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