I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
