Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
