So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize