I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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