He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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