I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
