You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
