he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize