"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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