i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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