i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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