even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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