Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have post one night stand depression
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
