Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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