I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
